Interview 8

CFD has asked Barbara LesStrang to author a series of monthly articles about "aftercare". In this and subsequent issues, we'll bring you information from interviews with funeral directors from all over the world, who are now serving their communities with aftercare programs.  Last  month we interviewed a funeral director from Kentucky.  Let's take a look at what others have to say.

This month's interview is with Laurie Rey, Tubman Funeral Limited, Wolseley, Saskatchewan. Laurie Rey is a 32-year-old funeral director. She has worked with Tubman Funeral Home since she was 18, becoming a licensed funeral director at age 20.  Her husband is also a funeral director with Tubmans. They have three children.  The Tubman Funeral Home Limited is a second generation family owned business in its 51st year of service.  All of the firm's personnel are involved in their communities at every level.  The firm's head office is in Wolseley, Saskatchewan; branch offices are maintained in Indian Head, Kipling and Fort Qu'Appelle. The firm has always endeavoured to be one step ahead in all aspects of funeral service.  On a personal note. Laurie watched her father struggle with cancer for two years before he died at the age of 50. This experience has given her a deep understanding for the need for grief assistance after a loss.  Laurie also suffered a miscarriage which has helped her relate to other couples who have suffered the loss of a child.

Do you find that bereaved families get the necessary grief support within their churches, neighborhoods and friendship circles?

Rey: For the most part, in the area we serve, families do have a great deal of support.  We are a rural funeral home which serves several small communities ranging from populations of 100 to 2000.  The communities are small enough so that everyone knows everyone else, therefore there is not as much isolation as compared to living in a larger city where the range of people who know you is limited.  For those who do not have community support, an Aftercare program is crucial.  It is so important to reach these people in some way.  The unfortunate fact is that with all our satellite dishes VCR's, computers, the Internet etc. I can see us becoming in many ways a 'stay at home society.'  This will necessitate even more information to come to us.  With the computer age a grief support 'chat room' is probably in order.  Something for you to work on in your spare time Barbara! Perhaps there is already something out there although I cannot see it being too popular for this day's average 65-80 year old.  For the future senior citizen, definitely. As for those who are not of the computer age and never will be, tools such as AfterLoss subscriptions to help them through their grief are vital.  Even those with an abundance of support from time to time probably need more.  I do believe in the AfterLoss premise of 'bringing the support group to you.'  I think this has always and will always be necessary and important.

You're raised some interesting thoughts.  Actually we do have a home page on the Internet now.  Check it out.  Please visit our web site at www.afterloss.com.  So what was it that really precipitated your decision to implement an Aftercare program, Laurie?

Rey: As you know we're a rural funeral home which covers a 60 miles radius.  We wanted an Aftercare program as it is so important to have contact with some families beyond the day of the funeral service.  But the question of how to implement an Aftercare program dealing with our geographical base and using the existing staff still remained. AfterLoss was the perfect solution. We have subscribed since November of 93.

Walk me through the steps you take. What do you do first, what happens next, and so on?  

Rey:   Our program works like this:  A few days before the subscription deadline, we decide which families we feel are in need of help. If there is any doubt as to whether the help is needed, they are put on the list.  A letter is then sent to the families introducing them to AfterLoss and informing them that they will be receiving their first issue shortly.  We have chosen to use this method rather than the gift card.  To start, all families are enrolled in the six month subscription.  After they have received their third issue they are contacted by telephone.  They are asked if they have been receiving the AfterLoss and if they can give some honest feedback on the material.  They are also asked if they would like the issues to keep coming.  They are informed that a total of twelve issues are available and if they think they would like all twelve, we will see that their subscription is changed from six to twelve months. They are also asked if we can help them in any other way.  We have a large selection of printed material as well as some grief support videos that are lent out. 

Do you need special staff to facilitate your Aftercare program?

Rey:  No, I look after it.  The program does not require a great deal of effort and in fact, the opportunity to have contact with the family again is most welcomed.

Have you had any response from your families to your program?

Rey: I write down all the responses when I phone the families after three months.  There are a couple of common responses.  One is that they read each issue several times and each time they get more and more out of it.  Another response is that it is so comforting to see in writing what they are feeling.  For the most part the material is exactly in accordance with what they are experiencing.

Is your funeral home in a competitive area? 

Rey: No, we are not.

Has your Aftercare program enhanced the image of your funeral home?

Rey: Yes,  even those who don't want their subscription renewed are very impressed that we cared enough to want to help them.

The holiday season is a difficult one for those who have lost a loved one. How do you help your families through this difficult time?

Rey: All our families that are served in October, November and December receive the special holiday issue of AfterLoss. 

What are the most difficult situations you have encountered?

Rey:Obviously the most difficult situations are deaths of the very young, infants, suicides, accidents, and sudden deaths.  We deal with these cases by being keenly aware of the difficult situation each family is in.  These families require extra attention, patience and consideration. We just try to do whatever we can and make them aware of our willingness and desire to help them in any way.  

Do you know of any other needs or special situations we should address? How else can AfterLoss be of service to you? 

Rey: There is a lot of material available for those who have suffered the loss of a spouse. I feel more is needed for teens losing siblings, parents and friends.

I agree with you. We will take your suggestions to heart as we plan for future publications. Laurie, do you have any advice for other directors who have yet to provide Aftercare services?

Rey: Yes, it is important to have some type of Aftercare program especially when you think of the people who have no one to help and support them.  I feel our responsibility to our families goes well beyond the day of the funeral service.  

What happens after you help your families move through their grief process?

Rey: We see many situations with our families where a permanent relationship is established. They become our friends forever. As you can imagine, this is very rewarding to all of us at Tubmans.

NEXT MONTH : More thoughts on Aftercare!